All rights reserved. This is an original article by S Garrett. 02/24/03. Submissive Loving holds exclusive rights.
Training the Sensual Submissive
Ok you are going to train a new sub. What does that mean? Well if you have read the literature, you could easily be persuaded that it means you get to whip her a lot. To my mind it means modelling her behaviour so that she can be as pleasing a partner to you as she can be. Does that mean a lot of whipping? Well if it does to you - just admit to yourself that you are a sadist and keep the whipping for the fun times - we are talking about making her the perfect slave and that means showing her what a good one looks like and how she can get to that point.
Now the first step (you will see most of the pages on this and other quality D/s sites littered with this phrase - to both Dominant and submissive audiences) is to know yourself and your needs. Know what triggers your passions and try to understand how and why those triggers have such a powerful effect on your lusts. The lifestyle aspects of D/s: how you like your meals, the standard of housekeeping expected or the style of dress she employs are relatively easy to convey. Patience is required; however, do not expect her to have seen in her mind's eye your ideal home, if you have only described it with one simple sentence. Your expectation of the sensuality of your ideal partner does require considerably more subtlety and even more self-knowledge to convey with any detail.
Start by running through your fantasies and looking for common aspects of how your fantasy partner behaves. Look for what aspect of that fantasy partner is it that is revealed in that behaviour. Then encourage your submissive to develop that facet of her own sexuality. Now this stage of self-discovery should not be rushed. In fact it really should have been performed with Domly thoroughness way before you set out to select a submissive to join you on life's journey. If you take just one thing from this article, let it be this: if you do not know yourself and your needs, in detail, you will have no idea what it is that your submissive needs to bring to the relationship to please you; you have no idea what you should be training her to be.
The second step is to be totally open about your own sexuality. It is a fact of life that the Dominant reveals far more about his sexuality in his demands than does a submissive expose by her compliance (this is one of the pay-offs for a submissive in a D/s relationship, she gets to indulge in the depths of filth - loving every minute of it - and in no way besmirches her self esteem, because you made her do it). Never expect her to read your mind on this one or to automatically have harboured your most esoteric fantasy just because you feel your sexualities are compatible (this article assumes that they are compatible - little point in reading on, if they are not). In fact I recommend a rather intense session of Q & A in which you allow her to explore your sexuality right back from adolescence. Encourage her to ask questions (initially she is not going to like this - her questions will expose as much about her as your answers reveal about you). Point out she can stop asking the moment she knows it all, or has lost interest.
If you have an enquiring mind; if it is important to you that your submissive has a highly defined sexuality then it is important to help her open up. Demonstrate to her that any questions about her sexuality is not an audition and not only a means of exploring her sensuality but that the process is also an exciting experience for you (masturbate when she is giving you a full and frank revelation of an aspect of her sexuality, and she might just get a clue). You must help her to, in some cases, come to terms with her sexuality. If you can both come to a point in which it seems perfectly natural for her to share every fantasy, every sexual dream, every visual trigger; then you can call her yours. This will only be possible when she can trust you to never judge her for that disgusting flash of filth that entered her mind one day when she was masturbating. Only when she feels you glory in the depth and breadth of her sensuality will she feel that extraordinary freedom - like the breath of fresh air caressing her skin, in places that the breeze rarely penetrates. That is when you will see your training paying off - that is when your pupil brings delights to your feet, proudly revealing another facet to her magnificent sexuality. This is the aspect of training that should occupy your principal focus if, rather than a 'Stepford Wife', who blindly follows your bidding, you want a partner who will surprise you with delight (and lets be honest, filth too).
