All rights reserved. This is an original article by S. Garrett. 02/24/03. Submissive Loving holds exclusive rights.

Some thoughts regarding punishment, domination and sadism

I am a Sadist. I enjoy inflicting pain for its own sake. It excites Me. It makes my pulse quicken; my genitalia throb. All my fantasies since I was in My teens had some element of pain involved in them. It runs through to the very core of my sexuality. I do enjoy inflicting pain on a girl that enjoys suffering pain. It is a sharing experience. However, My Sadism is entirely selfish. It never enters My head whether or not the victim enjoys it. It is never performed for her benefit; just mine. When I am angry, I find that my enjoyment of pain is attenuated. My sadism has nothing to do with punishment, revenge, or a release of anger. I just enjoy inflicting pain - pure and simple. I have to admit that something in me sees it as a little cowardly to hide this behind some 'excuse' for inflicting the pain. I feel no shame for my sadistic sexuality.

I need to Dominate. It is deeply rooted within me. I find no comfort in following another's lead and it is only with ill temper that I can be made to follow another's instruction without having a clear understanding of why and what is to be achieved by it. I have to dominate the situation be it males or females that are required to defer to me. That does not mean that I respond well to somebody who is subservient; somebody who defers to all and sundry. I want those that I lead to be able to function without my instruction on the simplest issues. My Domination is of the empowering kind. This need to dominate is totally separate and yet conjoined with my sadism - I need to dominate; I enjoy sadism.

In hand with domination, I enjoy controlling. I enjoy that I have sensual control over another body. It is thrilling to me that I can do anything I want to that body. I constantly feel the need to test those measures of control; to push the envelope. I enjoy exercising that control; the pressing of buttons, activating triggers. I derive enormous pleasure of exerting that control against the will of My victim. Activating needs within her, despite her resistance; to see her respond despite herself - her body betraying her sensual enjoyment. This element of deep control, often instantiated by something as subtle as a change to a deeper register in my voice, is the bridge between my domination and my sadism.

Despite all the above, I derive no pleasure from punishment. The need to punish means a breakdown of my control and domination. This I find deeply disappointing. That disappointment is, to some extent, with those that I expected to follow my instruction. However, I feel a deep disappointment in myself. The need for punishment only arises from the errant not appreciating why this failure should not have taken place. That is a failing in my behalf. I failed to set out the success criteria in a clear and unmistakable way. I am not just talking about corporal punishment here. Any submissive reading this recognizes that to declare disappointment in a girl's performance is crueler punishment than the most evilly placed whip stroke. That and many other emotional triggers and means of manipulation seem always to be substitutes for domination to me. Whenever I catch myself using such tricks (yes I am human too and mistakenly try to use the 'easy' way) I remind myself of those times in my childhood when I tried so many different ways to get my own way with my parents. There are many ways to get another to do One's bidding: one can beat her into submission - one can dissemble her self esteem to the point that she can no longer resist - one can subject her to an unrelenting series of whining demands, exhausting the permutations of expressing ones wishes ad nauseam or.... One can Dominate her.

When I hear others talk of punishment with glee; both supposed Sadists and masochists, I feel a shiver of suspicion; a hint of disbelief. My view of Sadism appreciates the pleasure of pain; but My view of Domination cannot accept that either party can derive any pleasure from punishment. I can understand a child associating images of spanking and flogging with punishment. What does a child know of the erotic pleasure of pain? When an adult expresses the same deep association, I feel it brings their appreciation of the Sado-masochistic practices into question.

Every submissive has a choice whether to comply with the wishes of her Dominant or not. Domination is the ability to erase any awareness that such a choice exists. It is by force of One's personality that One dominates, not through fear of punishment.

S. Garrett

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