Online Dominants

Searching for Mr. GoodChat

by Cerina, all rights reserved and exclusively held by Submissive Loving

You have discovered the online dominance and submission community. Even more importantly for you, you believe you are a submissive and now wish to find a dominant for yourself. There are thousands of men out there with the word "Master" in their name. This should be easy, right? (easy? *begins laughing herself to tears*)

Allow me to share with you what I have learned in four years in the online bdsm chat rooms.

1) 99.9% of all men online who say they are Dominants, are not.

At best, they are Tops (someone only wanting to dominate sexually) who want nothing more than kinky sex either online or in real life. Tragically, a vast number of them will even tell you that they want real life, but have no intention of ever meeting you because they are married, in a long term relationship, or simply not interested in anything more than playing a D/s relationship game online.

Everyone is going to tell you to "proceed slowly". Great idea, but it won't make you feel any better when you find out the Dom of your dreams actually lives in Estonia with his wife and five children and had no intention whatsoever of actually loving you or meeting you. I've also heard my share of stories about that great "Dom" turning out to be a female.

My advice:
You have the right to make a Dom earn your trust just as you must earn his. Don't be so needy that you will fall for any romantic line tossed at you only to end up with a heartache when you find out he is a player. Take your time and get to know him as a man before even thinking about discussing a D/s relationship. If the man is only interested in talking about kinky sex or how Domly he is, chances are he isn't really interested in you as a person at all. There is nothing wrong with becoming friends first. Ask tons of questions!!! You have this right. Use it. Ask around about him. Does he have a good reputation? Has he only recently shown up online? Does he allow you free access to him? i.e. phone number, address, work email..etc. Make sure he isn't hiding anything the best you can.

2) The men who are truly interested in D/s are just as new as you are

Please do not expect to find someone with any weighty real life experience. They are out there but few and far between. The Doms with extensive knowledge are usually already living it in real life and are not online.

There is nothing wrong with being new, but you must be aware that you are responsible for your own D/s education. I have yet to meet an obviously new "Dom" who is willing to admit that he knows next to nothing. This is disturbing as great damage can be caused by dishonesty in this area.

My favorite newbie line, "I was born Dominant".....or, "I've been a Dom my entire life." Those lines should tip you off. They may have a dominant personality BUT that does NOT NOT NOT make a man A Dominant in the D/s sense.

My advice:
Educate yourself. Read everything you can get your hands on. Ask questions in the chat rooms. If no one answers, keep looking until you find a room willing to discuss your concerns. Bottom line: Know as much as possible about domination and submission BEFORE seeking a Dom.

3) Many Online Dominants are simply looking for an ego boost, an orgasm, or both.

You have needs and desires as well as the Dominant. You have the right to expect them to be fulfilled. A lot of the Doms online are only interested in their own "wants" and will use a submissive to boost their self esteem or fulfill sexual fantasies. They fail to tell you the truth about not really wanting a 24/7 relationship even though they know that is what you want.

My advice:
Be very vocal about what you expect to get from a D/s relationship. Let it be known that you will NOT settle for less. You have the right to not even discuss anything sexual if that makes you feel uncomfortable. Many players will bail when they see you KNOW what you want, you intend to get it, and will NOT play games.

4) Criminals in our midst

Sadly, there ARE men online who wish to emotionally and/or physically harm you. NEVER give out ANY personal information until you can PROVE this person is safe. Many predators see submissives as an easy target. They will tell you everything you've ever wanted to hear from a man. They will look like the sweet guy next door. They will have great jobs, be well educated, and seemingly happy lives. Do not expect a criminal to act a certain way. Use your head and keep your safety first and foremost in your mind at all times.

In conclusion:
The chat rooms are a mine field. Prepare yourself and come well armed if this is where you wish to find a dominant.


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