Concerns and fears regarding satisfying the more extreme dominants.
The following conversation was created to help submissives who have concerns/fears about being able to satisfy the desires of a dominant who enjoys pushing limits and has extensive experience with such. This article is intended to aide in calming those fears. I had them myself and thought I would share my experience with all of you in a creative setting.
cerina : has a Dom that scares me really. I'm frightened to death of what he will do to me and yet strangely excited by it. I'm just so scared I will not be what he needs and craves....what do you think?
S. Garrett : what aspects of his sexuality scare you the most ...just the unknown ....or things he has already revealed?
cerina : yes, the unknown.......but some of the known parts as well....such as the pain....
S. Garrett : You think, perhaps, that his needs - regarding pain - are more extreme than you might be able to take ...let alone find fulfilling?
cerina : nods to that.....yes. I'm worried that I'll be a baby about it.
S. Garrett : has he given you any indication of the depth of pain he would want to persue?
cerina : i'm worried that he'll wish he could hit me harder but won't because I can't take it.......and he'll be wanting someone he can hit harder if you know what I mean.
S. Garrett : Yes i know what you mean ...but suspect you miss an important aspect of sadism...
cerina : and what part is that?
S. Garrett : how long did you two know each other before you began to reveal aspects of your sexualities?
cerina : We reveled a lot right away but it was a couple of months before we went more indepth regarding sadism
S. Garrett : so you thought him less of a sadist in the begining?
cerina : Not so much a matter of less as it was a matter of just not discussing it and my not recognizing my fears
S. Garrett : so you were not aware of any fears about sadism before?
cerina : No, because I hadn't met anyone quite like him before that. At least not anyone I really wanted to "bite the bullet" for.
S. Garrett : do you suspect that he 'covered up' his sadistic side in the begining?
cerina : I did see the sadistic side in him right away......it was what drew me to him. He kept saing I wasn't ready and I thought he meant I didn't bring that out in him....and yes, I was also afraid that maybe I had misjudged him.....that he wasn't as extreme as I had originally thought.
S. Garrett : you have met men who were extreme enough to 'frighten' you ... but were not attracted to them?
cerina : sure.....I talked with a few extreme men......but they just didn't have.....**thinks of the words**.....
S. Garretty : waits ..because 'the words' are important
cerina : didn't have what it took to attract me and inspire me to want to be masochistic for them cerina : does that make sense?
S. Garrett : good answer
S. Garrett : so you WERE attracted to THIS guy ...even though he is nearly as extreme as other guys whose extremes put you off?
cerina : yes.....very attracted
cerina : I think a lot of guys think that a masochist is always a masochist.....and wants whatever anyone will dish out cerina : and the more time that passes, I find myself wanting to be even more masochistic for him than before
S. Garrett : I suspect those guys think that sadists are always sadistic ... and behave as they think they should ... they are not behaving 'naturally'
cerina : nods at that.....good point
S. Garrett : an academic question .... having been attracted to this 'so-so' sadist (as you first percieved him) ... what would be your emotional response to find that your fears were entirely unfounded ..that he wanted to inflict not a jot more pain than you wanted?
cerina : That's a tough one......because......I crave for him to inflict more pain than I "want"......but I think if I knew that he would not be disappointed with what I could handle, I'd feel better and wouldn't worry about losing him
S. Garrett : in the long term ..how do you feel that internal conflict would resolve?
cerina : I expect to experience more pain than is "wanted".....that isn't the problem really. I must admit that I am excited and curious to see just how far he can push me.
cerina : I think it might be resolved if I can experience his joy first hand......there can be no way he could hide whether or not he is fulfilled.....at least I hope not.
S. Garrett : one more academic question: how do you think you would feel ..regarding your capacity to submit to his 'extremes' ...if he had not professed love for you? ...not your disapointment etc ...just the masochism side
cerina : thinks cerina : I am not sure I can answer that really. But.....I think that masochism is so intimate......so mine....that I would have difficulty allowing great extremes with someone I didn't love or whom I didn't feel loved me.
cerina : it's my love for him and his love for me that has a hand in inspiring me cerina : mostly my love for him though cerina : the stronger I feel, the more i want to give S. Garrett : thank you
cerina : you're welcome
S. Garrett : Ok that aspect of sadism that I referred to earlier..
S. Garrett : you imagine he has a level of activity that he , say fantasises about, and that entails hitting with a certain weight etc. ...try to imagine what would happen if such a sadist came across a gal who was happy to take more pain than that ...what do you think his response would be?
cerina : hmmmmssssss cerina : thinks cerina : if he came across someone who liked a LOT of pain ....is that what you mean?
S. Garrett : yes .. happy to take more pain than he feels is fulfilling ..or at least had anticipated
cerina : ohhhhh ok cerina : I suppose he might not get much satisfaction from someone who is difficult to hurt. After all, isn't that what he wants? to hurt?
S. Garrett : Nods ... so the response of the 'victim' is important ..in your mind?
cerina : yes.....he must want the whimpers and cries and begging and to know they are sincere
S. Garrett : so, in that light, can you see that this preconcieved idea of 'how hard' he might have to hit to get those responses might be an unimportant factor ... that if he gets THAT response earlier, he might find that JUST as exciting?
cerina : *smiles softly* gets it now.....thank you
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