Philosophy of the D/S relationship- Setting the Foundation
A thought provoking philosophy regarding "Power Exchange" I hope you enjoy it.
By Kwatsu Kamachi
This article is based on lectures that I have given throughout Second Life to the D/S community there. Cerina was very sweet in inviting me to pull it into an article to be published on her web site. It is normally designed to include questions and answers in between the points raised. I hope, if you are interested, you will post up questions, comments I can reply to in her forum.
This article is meant as a foundational construct and does its best to exclude a discussion of behaviors which would then naturally follow. This is something to contemplate, digest and think about and not necessarily believe. I invite readers to actually not “believe” what I put forward but to hold it, test it, and see if there isn’t “utility” in this construct. Once you have just “held” this for a while I assert that you will see the out-right utility of this Foundation if not the actual Truth of it.
I exclude behaviors because there are an infinite amount that can fulfill the model and are situational in nature. Conversations regarding behaviors have been my follow up talks after people attend this base talk. This model was not created by me and in fact one I studied in Grad school while pursuing my Masters Degree in Business Administration. It is universal model of one on one and one on many used in corporate consulting and I applied it to the D/S relationship.
In any “one on one” relationship or “Many on one” there is an exchange of energy that takes place that is not obvious to the casual observer and sometimes not even to the participants whether a teacher to a class room full of students or to the head of a major corporation or yourself regardless of what your situation is now. There is "always" a power feeder and a power source.... in every relationship.
There is only One Primary Source......and can be many feeders....there can also be Secondary Source’s who represent the Primary Source and this is more a role than a True Source energetically speaking......the Source , creates the power...................and cannot use what is created. The Feeder, receives the power/energy and can use it and MUST feed it back to the Source, so the source has energy as to continue Sourcing. On the basic level, this sets each party/ or parties to the relationship in an equal balance...Equality is essential for the balance. It is critical that you know who you are in the matter and perform behaviors consistent with your role!
It’s easier to look at smaller models so I like the example of a class room. The Teacher, is the Source given the understanding, and prearranged nature of the classroom. Teacher is source, and has the responsibility to Source energy/power to the students. The Students are the Feeders who receive the energy/power and feed it back to The Teacher so that the Teacher can actually Teach. The base philosophy and the actual behavior in the world sometimes get confusing. In the teacher/student example, it is the behavior of the Teacher that represents the Sourcing, i.e.; is to prepare the lessons and actually deliver them to the class room and hold the "space" of the class room....or context if you will. The Student’s "job" or role...is to actively accept the "teaching" and do their best to learn.... learning is not guaranteed, however the actions of the students.....doing the assignments, asking question, empowering the Teacher are the behaviors of the Feeding back energy/power to the Teacher.
As you can see, Behaviors become an integral part of this conversation. All the Students have the responsibility to Feed the energy back to the teacher and the Teacher Sources the class room by their actions in the world.
Lets’ come closer to home, the D/S relationship. First “one on one” as the dynamics are easier to see. Dom or Domme (Dom/me) .....is Source , The Sub........is Feeder. Dom/me creates context, creates all the context for the behaviors we are familiar with that equal Sourcing, in other words….being a Dom/me and modifies these to fit or suit the sub.....emphasis on Modifies. Knowledge of the sub is critical. What are the inner desires, wants, and needs. Observation, sensitivity, understanding etc., all that makes a good Dom/me, are brought into play completely because it is about behavior which presences the energy and the sub receives the energy/power and feeds back to Dom/me by various behaviors , again too numerous and vast to discuss now.
When both come to the relationship equally it works, both must deliver 100% energy in their role like dancing, or it breaks down. I am fond of saying that because of this underlying "Truth"...is why the d/s relationship is equal....the relationship occurs here ----> “/” <------- so many do not understand what I mean when I say that they cannot get past the submissive’s chosen behavior to think that a sub is equal to a Dom/me, energetically they must be !
The D/S relationship breaks down many times because someone in the relationship does not think or feel they are equal and that a balance of energies must prevail. It is why new D/S start out with “prescribed” behaviors or lists of rules a Sub and Dom should follow. The prescribed or understood behaviors allow for a period of learning about each other so that the balance may be achieved through which new and more creative expressions of their D/S may be explored.
The Dom/me instinctively or through experience knows, or assumes, what is wanted by the sub to ensure being feed and vise versa. It is the responsibility of the Dom/me, as far as everyone is concerned to see that both parties are really fulfilled, nurtured and happy, getting what they want, need and yearn for.
The “prescription” so to speak can guarantee appropriate energetic exchanges while the relationship is new then as time moves forward and each learns creative behaviors which can succeed and be expanded upon and the Source pays attention to what is wanted and needed from the Feeder for success, a crucial part of the job of that role as Source.
Levels of Energy Exchange:
A linear model for levels of energy exchange can be looked at like this:
Pet is at the low end of the scale for the Energy or Sourcing required from the Dom/me. Sub is in the middle and slaves require the most amount of Energy/power Sourcing from the Dom/me.
So an entirely new talk can focus on these choices and behaviors….and the consequences of bad choices here. One could say that a D/S which has been chosen incorrectly can get in trouble very fast as a Dom/me who is only prepared to Source to the level of a pet but takes on a slave soon finds themselves overwhelmed and not feed enough energy back because they are not Sourcing at the correct energetic level of what is needed.
This model, the linear one is only a construct for the sake of bringing out the point that you must know who you are, what you require and find the Dom/me prepared to deliver that.
Total Power Exchange?:
I find it so interesting when someone says to me, “oh, I am in a TPE relationship (Total Power Exchange) and I have surrendered all my power to the other person !” well, from my point of view that’s not really true as you cannot surrender all your power to the other person. What is typically meant by this, is that I have allowed the other person to choose all my behaviors for me. And those chosen behaviors still allow me to Feed energy/power back to my Source or the Sourcing would end. The fact that a Sub no longer selects the behaviors to perform back only means that the Sub is prepared and very much Feed by the idea that the other person is in fact doing this for them. This Sub must still remain 100% energetically involved in the performance of the behaviors so the energy flow continues. Let me say this one more way. What is happening in a TPE ...is that we have behaviors that are understood that both Source and Feed selected by the Source. And, if the Sub does not fully invest themselves in these behaviors they will not "own" them and thereby will not Feed back to Source what is needed.
Both parties to a TPE have a critical role to be in the relationship from the point of view of this theory...they still have to be equal in the exchange or it will not work. It’s not really Total surrender in the way they think... it is 100% from each !!!
The Source- Feeder theory of relationships provides us with a foundational way to communicate about relationships that are not working and provide a common ground of understanding so as to look at behaviors that are not supporting the structure. It provides a way to understand relationships that are working by more clearly understanding the role of the behaviors involved and how critical they are in the underlying energetic job they have to accomplish. When each party or parties to a relationship understand that it should be Source-Feeder and work to keep it that way, 100% equally and in balance, the relationships spiral upward and accomplish great things. Real results are produced in the world. Know who you are in the matter and behave accordingly
( the sound “KWATSU” was used by the ancient Zen monks in the monasteries to answer a student’s question such as “Master, what is the meaning of Life”…The Zen monk knowing he could not possible give an answer in his life time simple replied with this sound. Over time, the sound, then word “kwatsu” came to represent the “sound of enlightenment” as students felt they had received enlightenment from only hearing it.
I have used this name for a long time in my online work and my real life training.